I Will Be A Better Mother

There are women who become mothers without effort,
Without thought,
Without patience or loss,
And though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics
Or money
Or because I have read more books,
But because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned
Over and over again.

Like most things in life,
The people who truly have appreciation
Are those who have struggled
To attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle
Every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child,
Knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him
And that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot
Or cry tears of a broken dream.

My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense;
That God has given me this insight,
This special vision
With which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to
Or a child that God leads me to,
I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
I am a better wife,
A better aunt, a better daughter,
Neighbor, friend and sister
Because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment,
As I have been betrayed by my own body.
I have been tried by fire and hell
That many never face.

Yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me,
I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.

I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better,
I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine,
Of other eyes that moisten
As they learn to accept the harsh truth
When life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

-Author Unknown